New Year, New Beginning

2019 is coming in few minutes. Before I set my plans, let me recap first my 2018:

Not so good things that happened:

– Heartbreak. I had to end a relationship that lasted for 8 years.

– I decided to resign from work after being employed for a decade. I ended my employment last December 10, 2018 and spent time with family and friends till the end of the year.

– I struggled financially. I had a hard time managing my finances because of so many financial obligations.

– I started feeling weak. I almost got sick every month.

Good things that happened:

– I was able to enroll in swimming and freediving class.

– I met new people who are now my friends.

– Although not as often as before, I was still able to visit different domestic places. Thanks to people who supported my travels.

– I was offered a new job and was allowed to start after new year.

– I had 3 week vacation/rest after continuous work for more than a decade.

– I never experienced being unemployed. I am still grateful that I always get to have a job before I leave my employer.

The first 3 quarters of 2018 were the hardest ones. These were the days when I felt like I was alone. The times when I almost quit my life because I felt so hopeless and worthless. On the other hand, this was also the year that made me realize that I deserve better. That is why most of the good things about my 2018 happened during the last quarter of the year. Thanks to my family and friends who constantly give me reasons to move on with life.

Now that we are about to start the new chapter of our lives, I would like to keep track of my activities that will help me become a better version of myself. They say that it is better if we set our goals so we have something to look forward to. So this 2019, these are the things that I wish to achieve:

1. Improve my swimming skills

2. Be a certified freediver. I already started taking the course, but I will continue my training till I get the certification.

3. Participate in activities that take care of marine ecosystem

4. Support charity

5. Be a certified Human Resource Practitioner

6. Self improvement. Enroll in different trainings related to HR

7. Learn new skill

8. Invest

9. Save more to acquire a property in 2020

10. Spend more time with family and friends

11. Travel at least once every 2 months

12. Do better at work

Thank you, 2018 for all the experiences especially the challenges. I was able to get through all the trials and now, I am ready to face whatever is in store for me this 2019.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Online Slam Book

Slam books were very common among 90’s students. It was like a guest book where different people answer sets of questions, and being asked to write on someone’s slam book makes me really happy and feel appreciated because normally, we only choose whose names we would like to see in our own book. Most common questions were: 1. Who is your crush?; 2. Who was your first love (playing safe, so I always answer this question with “my parents”😁); 3. Who was your first kiss? Etc.

I’m not sure if today’s generation will understand why we loved collecting slam books before because for most of them, everything is digital. They are probably correct and since we now have a more advanced technology, I have thought of using this platform in making my own online slam book. 😊

Here’s few fun facts about me:

Name: Mhaggie Cardo

Nickname: Mhaggie, Mhagz

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

Birth Stone: Amethyst

Height: 5’6

Nationality: Filipino

Hometown: Olongapo City

Age when I first learned to read: 3 y.o.

Something I thought about a lot as a child:

1. Making my own sprite soda by combining water, coconut juice, and sugar. I was convinced, before, that those were the primary ingredients of sprite and that I can soon make my own version of it.

2. Becoming a millionaire by saving at least 1 peso per day. I was 5 that time and I tried counting how much I needed to save per year for me to have a million at the age of 20.

One thing I will never forget doing in college:

Cutting our gymnastic class. I and my friends only had our attendance checked and went out after. We were caught in dressing room. We immediately locked the door but our prof tried to forcedly open it. My friends decided to hide behind the locker area. I knew that time that we had nowhere to escape so I was left with no choice but to open the door and just pretend that I was not feeling well and that I was alone in the room. Obviously, she didn’t believe me because our PE uniforms were scattered on the floor. She headed straight to the locker area and saw my friends sitting at the corner. When they were caught, they suddenly waived their hands and said hi. Id’s were confiscated and we almost lost our chance to perform in our university week, which was considered as our final exam. Thanks to our dean for saving us. Moving forward to releasing of grades, our prof told me I got 1.5. It was supposed to be perfect 1 but minus .5 for cutting her class. 😂

One thing that makes me proud of myself:

I don’t quit easily. I always keep on trying to achieve my goals and also to save anything that matters to me.

Something that I miss:

Traveling

Thing(s) people do not know about me:

1. It takes 2-3 hours for me to finish my meal and I couldn’t eat without watching tv or seeing any movie.

2. I love dancing alone in my room, and I feel like I am a pro.

3. I love singing (silently) to songs with high notes. I imagine myself performing in a crowd, and again, I feel like I am a pro.

I do all these things ONLY when Im alone, at home.😂

Most unforgettable experience I had as a student.

1. I graduated with highest honor when I was in kinder but because I was a year younger, the school, where I was transferred, did not accept me to be enrolled in grade 1. They did not even allow me to take acceleration exam so I was enrolled again in kinder. It was awkward because some of my batch mates were on the same school and they were already in grade 1. Good thing was that I graduated again with highest honor. Yes, I was once a repeater valedictorian.

2. I focused too much on my review that I forgot to check the calendar. I thought it was already our preliminary exam so I went to school with nothing but only pen and reviewer. After learning that it was not yet our examination day, I immediately called at home and asked my sister to bring my bag to school. This happened when I was in 5th grade.

3. I was assigned as one of the cadet officers during our Preparatory Military Training. My sword was broken and I did not have time to buy a new one so I took my sister’s old sword and brought it to training. We were on stage performing the routine when I accidentally dismantled my sword. Every piece of it were scattered on the floor so I had to pick it up and re-assemble. Of course, I also had to deal with a punishment (20 counts of exercise). That was so embarrassing.

Food that I eat in a weird way:

Apple+salt

Chips + mayonnaise

One thing I never forget doing before bedtime.

Thanking God for letting me survive the day. I seldom say a prayer during bedtime but I always say “Thank You, Lord”.

That’s it for now. At least with these few facts, you will get to know a little about me.😊

Have a great day ahead!

Last 3 Songs I Listened To Tonight

After seeing Steffi’s article regarding the 30 day blogging challenge (you may check her blog here https://steffiandhercoffee.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/intro-day-1-%e2%99%a1-30-day-blogging-challenge-your-blogs-name/ ), I also thought of trying it for myself. Unfortunately, with all the deadlines I have in my schedule, I am pretty sure that writing a blog everyday may be impossible for me to accomplish.

Her blog gave me so much idea about other interesting topics that I can share with you, dear readers. Well, the idea really came from Pinterest but it was Steffi’s blog that made me realize I could use the said social media platform to see what else I can write about.

So I am going to share with you the last 3 songs that I randomly listened to on Spotify. I chose the playlist that compiles all songs I used to listen to when I was still in High School and College.

First Random Song:

My Immortal – Evanescence

This is a song that I used to sing back in college, and if my memory serves me right, I sang this song during our Psyche Cell activity (annual gathering of Psychology Major students).

When I first heard My Immortal, I thought that it was some sort of a breakup song, but when I listened carefully to its lyrics, I realized that it is about someone who is unable to recover from his/her grief at someone’s death, and that someone still feels all memories they had together, but realizes afterwards that he/she is now alone.

Here are few lines of the song:

🎶I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone

But though you’re still with me

I’ve been alone all along.🎶

Oh and by the way, I also love singing this song in videoke. I feel like it’s perfect for my voice (Just sharing. lol!).

Second Random Song:

More Than Words – Extreme

I bet you are very much familiar with this song. I included this in my playlist because this was one of the first songs I learned to play in the guitar.

“Action speaks louder than words”. The song, from the title itself “More Than Words”, is sending a message about the importance of showing affection and emotions, through your action. Doing this will make your partner feel more loved. Although words are also important, we all have to remember that just saying “I love you” will never be enough. We also have to exert an effort in making our loved one feel that he/she means a lot to us.

Here are the first few lines of the song:

🎶Saying I love you

Is not the words I want to hear from you

It’s not that I want you

Not to say, but if you only knew

How easy it would be to show me how you feel

More that words is all you have to do to make it real

Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me

‘Cause I’d already know🎶

Third Random Song:

Miss U – Grin Department

Honestly, this band used to be one of my favorites when I was in High School. I knew them because my siblings grabbed a copy of their album( it was still a tape ’cause CDs were not yet existing that time) and they kept playing it eveyday until I memorized the lyrics of all their songs.

Miss U is about a guy a who was mesmerized by the beauty of a girl in the jeepney he was also riding, and because he couldn’t let his eyes off her, he thought of catching her attention. The guy felt overjoyed when the girl finally noticed him. Unfortunately in the end, when the girl left the jeepney, he realized that he forgot to introduce himself and asked for the girl’s name and contact number.

Here are few lines of the song:

🎶Isa lang po ang aking problema

Kung paano ko sya makikilala

Eh pumara ang jeep, sumakay si lola

Eh puno na pala

Kahit di ko gawain, ako’y

napilitan, “lola dito ka na”

Nang ako’y nakasabit na bigla

Ang bulong niya baka ka madisgrasya

Ako’y na shock sa caring nya

Ako’y na schock kasi concerm siya

Pumalakpak ang aking tenga

Plak, plak, plak, ang sabi ng aking tenga🎶

Think that the song has a sad ending? Nah! It was actually fun to listen to. After everything that happened, the guy also realized that he forgot to pay for his fare so he could’t run after the girl because he ended up running away from the jeepney driver.

🎶 Nakalimutan kong itanong pangalan nya, tirahan nya

Nakalimutan kong isulat phone number nya o beeper number nya

Nakalimutan kong sabihin pangalan ko at ang bayan ko

Nakalimutan ko nakalimutan ko nakalimutan ko pati bayad ko🎶

That’s it for tonight. I had fun doing this blog. It didn’t just make me happy, but it also brought back a lot of good memories of my teenage days.

By the way, if you are also into spotify and wanted to know more what’s on my playlist, you may follow me here (me and my friend are the ones handling the account).

https://open.spotify.com/user/mhagzziemeh?si=HXdl2vG5QVC6vqCOE3d-8w

This is my first time sharing my Spotify account to public. You can give me your account too so I can follow you and join you in enjoying your favorite songs.

Eight (Summary of our Love Story)

2008 when we first met (not sure if you noticed me).

2009 when we first hang out together.

That day was filled with happiness.

2010 when I realized your worth.

I didn’t like it, but I can’t let go,

‘Cause I felt like you were my world.

2011 when we lost our communication.

I didn’t know what happened, but I felt so alone.

Few months after, you reach out to me again.

I realized how much I missed you, so I gave us another chance.

We were happy. We say how we feel. We share our stories. We know when we need each other. We fight a lot, but we also fight for us.

I thought we both wanted this to last long. I made myself believe that you were the one, but then I realized, I was wrong.

I was never your priority. You were never proud of me. Im not even sure now if you still like me.

It’s now time to move on. It’s now time to let go. Thank you for being a part of me. I loved you for 8 years and I will never regret it.

Remember that I will always be proud of your achievements. I will always be proud of you! You are a good man and you deserve to be happy! We both deserve to be happy!

Quarter-Life Crisis

Have you ever been anxious about your life? Have you ever felt like you have done everything you can and yet, you still haven’t accomplished anything? Have you ever asked what’s wrong with you? Have you experienced quarter-life crisis?

As defined by Wikipedia, In popular psychology, a quarter-life crisis is a crisis “involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life” which is most commonly experienced in a period ranging from a person’s twenties up to their mid-thirties (although it can begin as early as 18). It is defined by clinical psychologist Alex Fowke as “a period of insecurity, doubt and disappointment surrounding your career, relationships and financial situation”.

I have been thinking lately about how I wished to see my life in my 30s, when I was still in college. Back then, i thought of working so hard so I could be able to have everything that I wanted, a house and lot, a car, business, and so many more. I also thought that maybe in my 30s, i would already have a family of my own. Things didn’t happen as planned. Im now in my 30s and still dreaming of the things i dreamed of when I was still a student. My life is frustrating. I don’t even know, as of the moment, if I’m taking the right path to my career. I am beginning to dislike my profession and many times I have thought of trying a different kind of work, maybe something that will allow me to travel to explore different places and culture.

I am thinking, do I feel this way because of quarter-life crisis?

Because I always wanted to try to understand myself better, i tried to research more information about quarter-life crisis.

Here are some of the possible signs that you are having quarter-life crisis:

1. You are insecure and dissatisfied because of your unfulfilled needs. You are frustrated because you feel like you are being left behind.

2. You don’t understand what your purpose in life is. You might be asking yourself now, why do I exist?

3. You spend more than what you can afford because you always want to fit in. You need to build your personal brand even if you are financially struggling.

4. You are no longer motivated and you feel the need to escape to find your happiness.

5. You are always worried that people may not appreciate you or your work.

6. You have lost your confidence. You think that you are worthless, that you are not beautiful and smart. You think people see you as nothing.

7. You wanted to do so many things but you’re not taking extra step to make it happen.

8. You see many successful people in social media and you wish to have their lives.

9. You question the direction of your life, your career, and your relationship.

I couldn’t say that overcoming this crisis is easy, but we may all take baby steps in finding our self worth. Here are some things we can do:

1. Talk to a friend. Having someone to listen to your sentiments is a huge relief. Tell your friend what you are going through. True friends will never disappoint us. They will surely make us feel that we are not alone, and that we matter.

2. Be positive. Think that QLC is just normal and that you will still be able to overcome it.

3. Do what makes you happy. Ok, you have a job, but you also want to try other things. Blogging? Traveling? Cooking? Swimming? If it makes you happy then do it! Don’t be scared if you fail. Don’t be afraid to try new ideas.

4. Stop comparing yourself with others. C’mon! Social media could be a big lie. Many people are also just like us who wants to be looked up to. You may not know it but your life could be better than theirs.

5. Always be grateful. Maybe it’s also time for us to appreciate even the smallest things we have. Pray and work for what you want but be thankful for what you have.

6. Invest in yourself. Never stop learning. It will not just broaden your knowledge, but it will also help you develop your self esteem.

7. Make new plans. Come up with a realistic goal. Do something to make it happen.

I’ll try these things if will work. Right now, I’ll start by taking down my goals and action plan. I’ll try harder to work on it and hopefully one day, I’d be able to write again and give update on how I get through this QLC.

Notes and Quotes

After taking down my to-do list for my weekend work, I saw this cute little notebook that was given to me by a friend/former officemate.

This is where I write down notes and quotes (I’ve seen online) that I am sending to some special people in my life. I started doing it last 2015 and I didn’t realize it’s been 3 years already because I still feel so excited everytime I write down relatable quotes.

Here are some quotes I have in my notebook:

You know why it’s special?

  1. This notebook helps me feel better when I am going through something. Whenever I’m sad, I write positive quotes to remind myself that I deserve to be happy and that there are a lot of beautiful things to thank for.
  2. Quotes/Notes are one of my ways to express myself. I like sending it to important people in my life. I often send it through mobile, and sometimes, I fill my gifts with so much notes to make people feel how much they mean to me.
  3. There’s a story behind every note/quote and reading it brings back a lot of good memories.

We all have our own ways of reminding ourselves to remain positive. If you are feeling down and don’t know what to do, well, you can try writing yourself a note, or maybe you can share with me what you do to keep moving forward. I would also be glad to try your idea.

“By sharing something, I realized that I’m not alone, that there are a lot of people that share with me the same preoccupations, the same ideas, the same ideals, and the same quest for a meaning for this life.” – Paulo Coelho

Depression

Just this week, two of the well known celebrities, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, have committed suicide. Apparently, depression was the main cause why these two have taken their own lives and it wasn’t surprising that no one, maybe even from their family or close friends, has seen what they had been going through.

As defined in the dictionary of Psychology by J.P. Chaplin, Ph.D, DEPRESSION (1) in the normal individual, is a state of dependency characterized by feeling of inadequacy, lowered activity, and permission about the future. (2) In pathological cases, depression is an extreme state of unresponsiveness to stimuli, together with self-depreciation, delusions of inadequacy, and hopelessness.

Depression is an illness that should not be taken for granted. It is a serious condition that makes a person feel less important or worthless. It negatively affects the way we think, the way we feel and it loses our interest in everything. Dealing with depression is like fighting for our own lives. Sometimes, we feel like giving up, and sometimes, we wish from God to give us another chance. I know how hard it is to have this condition as I myself suffered from depression. Well, I myself is dealing with depression.

Being a secretive type of person, I am honestly not that confident in opening up all my problems. I also don’t let people know that I care about what they say, but to be honest, I do. However, I always overthink everything and then try to solve my issues on my own. I thought I’d be able to do it alone, but I was wrong. I came to a point where I already felt like I was so worthless.

My work and some personal issues have contributed to my depression. I have developed a low self-esteem and I am always overwhelmed by stress. I cry every night and no one knows about it. I give people advise when they have problem, but none of them is aware that I am also fighting  a battle with my own demon. There was actually one time where I thought of just ending my life but thank God I have my family whom I love more than anybody else. I still have a reason to live.

Right now, I am still having some trouble coping with stress at work, knowing that many keeps on dragging me down. I am also dealing with a lot of personal issues. Some still believe that I am a failure but I will never give up. I’ll continue to fight until I get the happiness I know I deserve. I always keep in mind that I will never be alone in this battle because I know that God is always there to guide me. I am not that religious, but I always talk to Him. There was actually one time where I visited the church and while the mass was on-going, I prayed for his guidance. I suddenly cried when the song “Our Father” was played. I felt God’s presence and I was relieved because I knew from that moment that He will never let my problems take away my happiness.

Dealing with depression is hard, and we cannot really tell who among our loved ones are suffering from this serious illness, so we should spend time with them as much as we can. Make them feel that they matter to you. Be appreciative so they can also do the same with others. Try not to be judgmental. Do not take for granted those people who care for you. Always keep in mind that even your strongest, happiest, and kindest friend or family is going through something. Check them as well and make sure that they are really doing fine.

If you are suffering from depression, or if you feel like you are alone in your battle, think of your family, think of your true friends, and most importantly, pray. If you feel that you cannot do it, do not be afraid to seek for professional help.

We may say that life is not perfect because we encounter problems and trials, but take note, being able to overcome those make us stronger and that experience is what makes life perfect.

Don’t let depression win! Don’t let it take away our happiness and dreams! Keep fighting! Keep moving forward!